destiny fulfilled

No, I don't mean Beyonce and those other chicks.... I mean Barack Hussein Obama.
I can't even begin to comment on the immense sense of pride that I'm feeling right now. A few days ago, Beans and I witnessed another historical moment together. President Barack Obama, the HNIC (LOL), made a monumental leap in history for black people and Americans in general. He passed the healthcare reform; something that other presidents have tried unsuccessfully to do. I love Obama. You just gotta love that tenacity, perseverence, and faith.

Ok, so since I started this post, there has been a lot of hoopla over this healthcare reform. People have tried to block it, stop it and continue to voice negativities about it all. But what good is having something if you don't work for it. You can't please all the people, all the time. Things that are just handed to you easily hold a lot less weight in regards to value. This thing is going to take time.... Rome was not built in a day. I wish people would stop blaming Obama. He's not God, although he is highly favored. We can't blame him for all the world's shortcomings. This man is making history and I'm so proud....

more to come on "destiny fulfilled"

you look Godly today....

Confronted daily with the barrage of airbrushed photographs of size zero supermodels and celebrities, it's hard to have an ounce of self-esteem when I look into the mirror. I'm 5'6" and I fluctuate regularly between 143 and 155 pounds. NOTHING like a size zero, and sometimes I feel just like that. Some days when I wake up, something jumps on my negative nerve and I cannot turn off the feeling that I look frumpy. It's more prominent when I try to get dressed to go out. I feel so uncomfortable in everything, even if I've worn it a thousand times. Insecurity in myself usually leaves me with a wet face, a pile of clothes on the floor, and another night at home. Regardless of my tainted self-image, I press on toward confidence in myself.
As I strive to get myself to a higher spiritual plane, I make forward leaps and bounds infrequently, and sidesteps and backslides more often. It's a process, and like my "weight concern" --- concern, because obviously it's not a worry-- I struggle with feelings of guilt and inadequacy. Uhh--- I sound pathetic right now. I've always been told that I'm a beautiful girl. I have a great smile and I have a happy spirit, but I get weighed down a lot by things that I don't have to carry on my own. Even with hearing the positives about me, there always seems to be something negative that I reach out for and hold on to for dear life.

Today, I read a devotional about the image of Christ and it ignited something in my soul. How can I mope around feeling down about my image when I was created in the image of Perfection?! Because we are made in the image of Christ, we show people that we belong to a distinct group.
When a woman gives birth to a baby, the child will most likely bear family resemblence and others will know from looking at him to which family the child belongs. As that child grows up, he will learn to walk in the light that his family has provided for him. He will begin to come into health, wealth, and favor because of who takes care of him.
I think about old Looney Tunes cartoons where the tiny baby chicken hawk goes out and tries to capture a "chicken" (Foghorn Leghorn) 5 times his own size to eat because he knows that due to his family chemistry, he is supposed to be a dominator. He is not preoccupied by what he currently is, a shrimpy little creature barely big enough to wrangle a baby chick; he is concerned with his destiny and what he knows he will become based on who his father is. OOOOWWW!! Thank you GOD that You're so fly because that means I am, too! And while I'm not the image of you that you want me to be right now, I know what I can expect to become and that part is so delicious right now...
No amount of exercise or plastic surgery can provide the results that a dose of "knowing to whom you belong" gives you. Celebrities can shop all day and not dress as fresh as me when I'm wearing my Dad's riches. God is like Jordans on Friday.....above all others. The amount of love that He has for me is immeasurable and that gives me an attitude of confidence. And now, let the weak say "I am strong"; let the poor say, "I am rich," because of what the Lord has done for us; what He has done is given us priviliges and rights to things which we don't deserve by our own acts. Thank you, Lord for helping me to look and feel so good today----In your image; there is no better way. God is like the highest and most powerful fashion designer and I'm an original couture piece.... I don't think you understand how refreshing it is to know that you will inherit riches beyond your wildest imaginations; not to mention the incredible favor that is on your life... OOOOWWWWW!
I can't think about where I am right now, what I'm wearing right now. This is a grooming process, and God is preparing me to walk in the light He has prepared for my life. The next time I walk past a mirror, I'm going to smile at myself. I'm sorry for you if that makes you feel some type of way about me.... I'm looking at the resemblence that I have to my Father.
God is still working on me inside.... and in the meantime, I'm gonna do a few crunches.

Branchmoor Blues

BEANS won't let me decorate!!! Ok so we've been in our home since May 2009 and I went through a really LAZY period during the wedding planning stage where I didn't want to spend money on the house at all. I wanted to devote all of my dollars to the wedding. We had a bare house for our July 4th cookout(couch and small dining room set) but when it came time for our friends and family to come visit again (pre-wedding), Beans was set on having something to show. So we got a few things: a nice clock from my previous apartment, a few wall frames and shelves. The big design highlight came from my idea to piece together 8 hexagon-shaped mirrors that were given to me by a friend and co-worker--- THANKS APRIL! April used the mirrors for centerpieces for candles during her wedding; since I had more than 8 tables, I decided to put them to use elsewhere.

So now, 4 months post wedding drama and I would LOVE to get some things going. I want it to feel like HOME...I have all of these crafty ideas, but he doesn't really have faith in me. I guess because my attempt at DIY wedding invitations went so horribly! really horribly...
I visited a few flea markets and found some great furniture that I could add my own flare to, but Beans doesn't agree. His thought: why would you want someone else's furniture? DUH-- because they don't want it anymore and NEW furniture is SO expensive. He's super-frugal.... So I guess I'll just have to shock him. I'll just buy it when he's not looking and hope he doesn't freak out.

A few weeks ago I bought three art frames for our bedroom wall and two nightstand lamps. I hope they're still doing okay in my trunk....

Who Moved My Cheese?

I've been working at NC DDS for 3 years now.... Praise God for job stability, but our agency is anything but stable. In addition to the hordes of new cases that we receive daily, the frequent changes in policy and procedure, and the equipment failure and system crashes, we also have a VERY high turnover rate for employees.

A few years ago I read a book called "Who Moved My Cheese?" It was supposed to be somewhat of a self-help book about dealing with the changes that occur in your work environment. It also talked about complacency in your position, but the weirdest part was that the characters were mice. I guess all in all, it sort of makes sense when you think about what I deal with daily on the job. Ironically, our office building is like a maze and there are "Hems", "Haws", "Sniffs", and "Scurrys" all over the building.

We just had a meeting last week that highlights a new policy. We all know it won't work, but what can ya do?! We have to try it, let it fail, and show management that they need to come up with something else. In addition to that, I SWEAR I work in a high school because everybody is so concerned with what others are wearing and saying and doing.... Can't we just serve the citizens of North Carolina and go home?! I don't have time to worry about how my conversation in the hallway is going to be misinterpreted and spread all around the entire agency. I just want to do my time and get released.
Despite all the bull, it's a decent job. Sorry for ya, but I'm not leaving--- at least by my own will. I just think--- 7 more years and I may have an easy way out of all that student loan debt....

about 5 years ago.....

I re-met Corey (also known as BEANS) and we started a crazy journey together, not knowing where we'd end up...
and today, 5 years later I'm Mz. Beans now, and I realize that Love is a wild ride. I'm hopelessly taken by this man and it still baffles me how our love for each other has taken us from one stage of life to another.
We got married on November 14, 2009 and honeymooned in Las Vegas before coming back to our new home.
About 5 years ago, I never would have imagined that we would go through the obstacles that we've endured and learned from. I'm so glad it's Beans that I get to share my life with.... After being friends first, I've grown so close to him and I just can't wait to see our lives unfold into one.

The fun is just beginning......