Confronted daily with the barrage of airbrushed photographs of size zero supermodels and celebrities, it's hard to have an ounce of self-esteem when I look into the mirror. I'm 5'6" and I fluctuate regularly between 143 and 155 pounds. NOTHING like a size zero, and sometimes I feel just like that. Some days when I wake up, something jumps on my negative nerve and I cannot turn off the feeling that I look frumpy. It's more prominent when I try to get dressed to go out. I feel so uncomfortable in everything, even if I've worn it a thousand times. Insecurity in myself usually leaves me with a wet face, a pile of clothes on the floor, and another night at home. Regardless of my tainted self-image, I press on toward confidence in myself.
As I strive to get myself to a higher spiritual plane, I make forward leaps and bounds infrequently, and sidesteps and backslides more often. It's a process, and like my "weight concern" --- concern, because obviously it's not a worry-- I struggle with feelings of guilt and inadequacy. Uhh--- I sound pathetic right now. I've always been told that I'm a beautiful girl. I have a great smile and I have a happy spirit, but I get weighed down a lot by things that I don't have to carry on my own. Even with hearing the positives about me, there always seems to be something negative that I reach out for and hold on to for dear life.
Today, I read a devotional about the image of Christ and it ignited something in my soul. How can I mope around feeling down about my image when I was created in the image of Perfection?! Because we are made in the image of Christ, we show people that we belong to a distinct group.
When a woman gives birth to a baby, the child will most likely bear family resemblence and others will know from looking at him to which family the child belongs. As that child grows up, he will learn to walk in the light that his family has provided for him. He will begin to come into health, wealth, and favor because of who takes care of him.
I think about old Looney Tunes cartoons where the tiny baby chicken hawk goes out and tries to capture a "chicken" (Foghorn Leghorn) 5 times his own size to eat because he knows that due to his family chemistry, he is supposed to be a dominator. He is not preoccupied by what he currently is, a shrimpy little creature barely big enough to wrangle a baby chick; he is concerned with his destiny and what he knows he will become based on who his father is. OOOOWWW!! Thank you GOD that You're so fly because that means I am, too! And while I'm not the image of you that you want me to be right now, I know what I can expect to become and that part is so delicious right now...
No amount of exercise or plastic surgery can provide the results that a dose of "knowing to whom you belong" gives you. Celebrities can shop all day and not dress as fresh as me when I'm wearing my Dad's riches. God is like Jordans on Friday.....above all others. The amount of love that He has for me is immeasurable and that gives me an attitude of confidence. And now, let the weak say "I am strong"; let the poor say, "I am rich," because of what the Lord has done for us; what He has done is given us priviliges and rights to things which we don't deserve by our own acts. Thank you, Lord for helping me to look and feel so good today----In your image; there is no better way. God is like the highest and most powerful fashion designer and I'm an original couture piece.... I don't think you understand how refreshing it is to know that you will inherit riches beyond your wildest imaginations; not to mention the incredible favor that is on your life... OOOOWWWWW!
I can't think about where I am right now, what I'm wearing right now. This is a grooming process, and God is preparing me to walk in the light He has prepared for my life. The next time I walk past a mirror, I'm going to smile at myself. I'm sorry for you if that makes you feel some type of way about me.... I'm looking at the resemblence that I have to my Father.
God is still working on me inside.... and in the meantime, I'm gonna do a few crunches.
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